Why am I so lazy? Why do I feel like a failure?

“I don’t know” is the statement I always come back to.

That is the answer to my life at the minute.

The way I feel most of the time, is lazy, unmotivated and disorganised. These feelings are in my mind, I know that, but it is difficult fighting these feelings.

There is a mixture of things that have happened that could have put to me being lazy now in my everyday life. One is my mum being OCD when I was younger. My mum, always cleaned, if we just had a biscuit and there was one crumb on the floor, she would hoover. There wasn’t a time she would stop and relax. Every week she would do a deep clean cleaning the skirting boards and whatnot.

Because she did this all the time, I think subconsciously I thought “my mum will clean it up” so I never really did anything when I was younger, I would only do chores when I was offered money. This behaviour has grown up with me into my adult life. My room at uni would be so messy and dirty because I didn’t want to tidy it, I just didn’t want to waste my energy when I could just lie in bed and watch a film.

Even now with my own flat, I have to plan what I am going to do to clean it. I have to find energy to clean the flat I live in. I don’t have habits in my life, I leave dishes in the sink, even when the dishwasher is empty, I leave clothes on the kitchen top when they have finished drying cause I can’t be arsed to fold and put them away.

I have lived a very privileged life where my mum has done everything for me, and it is going to take a lot to break down this and escape this mentality that I have had for the past 22 years, to get out of thinking I have the safety net that ‘my mum will just do it.’

So, why am I lazy? I was a very active child. I was apart of many after school activities, I did ballet, dance, karate, jujitsu, judo, I swam a lot, I was in my primary school football team, I was in my high school’s netball team, I did badminton after school, I would go to the community gym, I would do mini-workout routines nearly every day when I was in highshcool, I would walk home every day from high school and that took an hour, I was in many theatre productions in high school, I would ride my bike and go for walks to the local nature reserve, I did violin and piano, I was in my uni’s hockey team, so why am I lazy now?

Where did this get up and go attitude go? All of the activities I just mentioned, I quit. I stopped doing them. Is this the reason why I feel like a failure, and why I feel like I can never finish anything because everything I have done I have quit?

I can always blame outside forces for making me lazy and why I quit certain things. I had my back done so I couldn’t do sport for a year – this is why I quit swimming, I had a weird piano teacher, that’s why I quit piano, I wasn’t getting good at violin, that’s why I quit violin, my dad went on duty a lot, that’s why I quit jujitsu and karate, I wasn’t good at football or netball and I didn’t want to embarrass myself, so I quit.

The reality I need to face is that I quit and I am lazy because of my own doing, it is not the world or the universes fault as to why I quit so many things, it is the insecurities and my own my mind that defeated me. It is my own doing.

This is why I am not doing my blog, youtube or twitch. I don’t see them growing, and I think that I am not doing something right or I think that there is no point in doing them because it won’t go anywhere, so I stop them when they are still in the baby stage, I don’t put my all or effort into projects or hobbies because I don’t want to waste my energy on something that I think will fail. I don’t want to have wasted my time when something has failed.

I don’t want to see something that I was so passionate about be shit and seem like it was pointless. I don’t want to be embarrassed, I feel like I don’t put my all in because I don’t want to be judged by people, this is why I am jealous of people who put all into their passions, because I feel like when I am putting my all in people are talking about me and how ugly I am, or how shit the things I am doing are. I don’t want to be perceived as a loser for putting all into what I like, or discussing things I like, I don’t like being judged.

This is what I mean when I say I feel like and I know it is my own insecurities stopping me. Or is it just simply that I am a lazy shit?

How do I get out of this mindset? I am trying to create habits that help me with everything I have just mentioned. I am going to write a post about the habits I am going to try and implement into my life.

This article talks about why laziness is a myth. It says that laziness is a myth and people actually have a fear of failure and success, as well as other points. But I feel that I actually have these fears when I actually deep it.

I don’t like failing so I stop doing something and putting my all into it because I don’t want to fail – this is why I missed my first-year law exam, as I failed my A-Level exam and I didn’t want to fail it again, so I didn’t revise or even show up for the exam. On the flip side, I don’t want to succeed as I don’t like attention and I don’t want people to think I am a ‘nerd’ or a ‘loser’ for doing well or taking pride in something that I like or am doing, therefore I don’t put the effort in so it’s a mediocre finish and it is just average.

I am stuck in the middle, I am in purgatory. How do I stop feeling this way? If you have any comments or suggestions on what I can do then please leave them in the comments, do you feel this way, if so then please let me know? I might do another post about this topic in a few weeks, discussing more and what I am doing to try and stop it.

This is the first time, writing this post, that I have actually realised that there is actually problem and by just writing I have let my subconscious thoughts come out and it has been therapy for me. Most of these things I haven’t wrote in my notes and, weirdly I have something to finally think about and work on.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

KatyNella xoxo

#16 – Are you drifting apart?

When moving to a new place, without a comfort blanket, the protection of your childhood friends, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by meeting new people. If you are worried about this I have another post that you might want to check out.

When you have met new people, and found new friends, like your childhood friends, will do, it is easy to lose contact. It is easy to drift apart.

What do we do in these situations, sometimes we feel sorry for ourselves, wonder what has gone wrong, wonder were you actually friends or just friends by circumstances?

I can tell you now, everyone you meet has an impact on your life, good or bad, they still impact it. And what should you do when you feel your home friends are vanishing from your life?

You need to think are they worth being in your life? Some people you know from an early age are toxic friends, and if you don’t speak to them, you need to figure out why? Did they invalidate you, do you both just forget to send a message, are you the toxic one? Sometimes we keep people in our life for circumstance, it’s like this with all relationships, parents, family members, partners, we keep people in our life that we think deserve to be there.

Mothers and fathers can be really harmful, manipulative, abusive, yet sometimes people keep them in their life because ‘it’s their parents, they are blood, they gave me life’ well, I am telling you know no one who treats you like shit and causes you pain, anxiety and mental abuse shouldn’t be in your life.

Maybe when you drift apart from people you once knew is a good thing, or maybe it means you need to realise that you are the problem in communication is you. This is something that I need to remember and learn, that it is your fault sometimes why there is no communication, I do it a lot and blame other things and I don’t take accountability.

Ask yourself:

• Are we really drifting apart?
• Do I want them in my life?
• Can I do anything to stop us drifting?
• Were we just friends of circumstances?
• What can we do to stop drifting?

When you get to Uni you meet so many extraordinary people, and sometimes it’ just will of the universe that some people aren’t in your life now.

What do you think? How can we stop drifting apart from old friends?

Katy Nella xoxo

#15 – Booze, booze and more booze

I know what you are thinking, University life isn’t all about booze. You are right, but also wrong. A big part of Uni culture is drinking excessively, nights out, a pint after a hard lecture and being social.

If you are not a big drinker, then tell the people your limits and that you just want to remain sober.  You don’t have to drink, but there are a lot of people, I know I did, that go out every week, and they are drinking, if you don’t want to be a part of that scene, I suggest finding a group of people that don’t drink, or find people you enjoy spending time with and that you trust to respect your values.

Going on nights out will give you amazing, spectacular but also embarrassing memories, but these are the moments you bond with people, you reminisce about the time your friend went up to someone and shared their jacket, so they both danced like fools, and it was funny, you remember someone being so drunk you had to carry them home.

You learn to go on the next day with a hangover, you learn your limits, you learn how to deal with your embarrassing drunk self. Some awful things happen when people drink, I have broken my wrist, well sprained it I think, but it hurt like a bitch. But you learn how to become an adult and accept the responsibility for your actions.

There will be really hard days where you just want to sit in the pub, and have a pint with your friends, talk shit and just chill. Pubs are an excellent way to meet new people and be more social.

One thing I would say is to be wary of alcohol, as much as I love it, it is a crutch. Know your limits, be out with people you trust, and always drink water when you come in from a night out. But apart from that, enjoy. Enjoy the painful headache the next day, some of your best stories will be from you and people being drunk. You never know you might meet your soulmate out drinking.

You can discover a lot more at Uni, and DRINK RESPONSIBLY when you have drunk an excessive amount it can impair you the next day, or next few days in my case, so just be careful and have fun!

KatyNella xoxo

#14 – Why this is the right time for discovering yourself

In University there is so much time to discover and enlighten yourself. You meet so many different people, you can do so many new things and its the best time to discover your true self.

I think spending time by yourself in your room, truly lets you get to know yourself honestly. You can use this time to discover what music you like, you discover your fashion even more if you like clubbing, what you are like living with other people, you develop your personality, you discover the gym, sports teams if you have never been to one before, you can even explore yourself sexually, see what you like without judgement.

Sometimes life can be a little foggy, that’s when you need to step back and re-evaluate what you truly need and want. And sometimes this fogginess can lead to a clearer, more pristine version of you.

You meet people who will get you and will help you develop. When you go to school in your own village, town etc yes you meet life long friends, but sometimes the people who will make an impact are from all over. You discover and learn about so many different things, you are opened up to new cultures, races and if you go into University with an open-mind it will elevate your already great personality.

You meet yourself. If you learn that you don’t like being by yourself, and your mental health takes a downturn, you can talk to somebody who can help.

University is a judgment-free zone, and if you feel it isn’t one then make it one. Sometimes our home towns can breed toxic and harmful thoughts, highschool we were always told that girls were slags and these views come with us and there are always women on women hate. I learnt that this is a form of the patriarchy, and it took a while for me to get rid of these “views” and stop using the terms ‘slag’, ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ as a means to degrade and hurt women. Going to uni, I think helped me develop my moral compass. In Uni girls, we would always talk about our body count, sexual experiences, what we like and dislike, and there would always be, ‘this might be slaggy’, ‘I am a slag’, we would always degrade ourselves, judge ourselves and it took all of us to realise that we are not and to get rid of years of these thoughts.  And I am glad I have met all the girls I have because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have learnt about feminism and I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

The point I am making is that, when you go to Uni, you don’t just learn about your degree, you learn about life, politics, people, the world, history and my advice? Be open to new learning opportunities.

I am not saying that this is the only way to learn about yourself because everybody has their own path to discovering themselves, the point is you should put yourself out there.

Comment down below some of lessons you have learnt.

KatyNella xoxo

Lockdown Lowdown; My Thoughts

What has been happening to us all is weird. This has never happened in our lifetime, it is a worldwide crisis, a pandemic, unchartered territory for all of us, so what are we suppose to think, do and say?

My thoughts are all over the place, I am constantly putting my mind in overdrive by thinking, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Do I be productive and do stuff that I haven’t been able to do before, or should I just use this time to chill and stay in bed and watch Netflix?

The latter, I have always done, so you would think that I would start working out, start writing my blog, filming videos or learning something different, but the reality is that I have just been waking up at 3pm, watching the same old stuff over and over again then repeating the cycle the next day.

I feel obligated to use this time to change my life, start something new, be productive and I feel shit when I don’t. I feel shit because other people are making use of their time, but I shouldn’t feel that way. Everyone will go through different things and emotions, maybe this is my way of coping?

Should I or Shan’t I? Is the question, there is not many weeks of lockdown left and I feel like I have failed myself by not making the changes I want, so where do we go from here? I am going to start a series on my blog called “Lockdown Lowdown” and I am going to try and be more productive and write about everything I have achieved or tried to.

I will be putting up a list in the next few days of things I want to do in the lockdown, and if you want you can come along this journey with me, but don’t feel obliged to do anything.

For the past few years, I have always felt in a slump, I feel like I am nowhere near the person I want to be, nowhere near the things I want to do and experience and I have no knowledge to get out of this slump, but this lockdown is the chance to research, read and learn how to.

I want to become the person that I can be proud of and I am nowhere near that person.

This is it for now, so hopefully I will continue this, unlike many things I have quit in the past.

Stay safe and stay home!

KatyNella xo

#13 – Meeting new people

It is so difficult meeting new people, for anyone. When you make the decision to go to university, many people are going to a new city, and a school where their close friends aren’t going.

It can be daunting, essentially leaving the group that you have grown with and explored with. This is no way saying that you won’t be friends with them anymore, I am just saying that the security that you had won’t be there as you are in a completely different situation.

Your new flatmates, classmates, accommodation mates, they might get you and your personality they might not, but be rest assured that everyone is in the same boat, and at the end of the day, humans just want the feeling of love and protection, and friends give us this.

The freedom and love to be unapologetically ourselves. In uni, we need this to escape the stress of uni. It is a very stressful time, and having friends just to get drunk with, laugh with and watch Netflix, is honestly a great escape.

There are many different ways you can meet new people and get ready for your time at university:

1. Look at societies and clubs that you can join – If you look at the student union page, you will see a list of clubs that you can join, as well as sports. These are a great way to find people who have the same interests as you, and that way there won’t be as much awkward conversation. Not to mention they have good nights out, if you are into that sort of thing.
2. Look on the Facebook pages for your course – Before I started foundation year I went on the Facebook page for Journalism and either typed a post or found one of someone who was going to be in my year. We then started talking on messenger, and the first day we recognised each other and we sat next to one another. Then we went around the fair. To this day this girl is one of my best mates. It’s a great way to meet someone before, it cuts the awkwardness and you have someone to sit next to. This is also a great idea to meet your new flatmates. Go on the accommodation page, type your flat number or look for someone who already has and you can create a group chat, already getting to know the people you’re going to live with for 9 months.
3. Go out – Go on a night out with your flatmates, this is what I did and we all became close. Just remember to pace yourself, if you don’t feel like you trust them yet. One my first student night out, I didn’t drink a lot, as it was actually my second night out ever, as I only turn 18 in July.
4. If you don’t like to go out suggest other activities – suggest a game night, movie night, order a take-away, and just talk. The sooner you speak to people, flat and course mates, then it will be easier for you.
5. Meet people in the same building as you – so you have other people you can chill with. Knock on the flat next door, invite them round. The rapport you build will these people will make it easier if someone is being too loud and should reduce the means for confrontation.
6. If you know someone whose there, meet up with them – I had a friend who went to the same uni, from college, and it was so much more easier to integrate into the life of a student, cause there was a familiar face there. I knew her, trusted her, so when we went out it was fun and easy. Not to mention that there was someone there that I could talk to and hang out with.
7. Get to know your course mates – If I didn’t get to know my coursemates then my time at uni would have been shit. I have met the best people and I could not have succeeded without them. You are going to be with these people for a potential of three years, if no one drops out. So just ask to go to the student pub, the cafe during lunch. Try to hang out with them, because these will become the mates you keep.

Those are my tips for meeting new people, please let me know your tips and if these have helped you!

On the topic of friends, I just want to shout out all the girls I met that have become my best mates and just to thank them for putting up with me! So thank you Erryn, Anne-Marie, Sarah, Finola, Vienna and Niccy! There are so many more people I have met, but these are my faves ❤ Love you all ❤

Katy Nella x

2020 New Year Resolutions

4 months too late, but here it is! This will also be what I want to achieve this year.

Resolutions

1. Lose weight/tone up
2. Become more motivated
3. Become less lazy
4. Become a better person

There are the basic resolutions. But what I want to achieve. (These are here so I can check at the end of the year if I have completed anything)

1. See my friends more – I feel like I am a horrible friend, I don’t reach out to them enough and see them enough, so once this quarantine has ended, I want to see them a lot, cause I love them and miss them. This is defo the main priority on the list.
2. Read more books – At least 50! I have so many books on my shelf that I haven’t read, so I need to.
3. Learn more history – More about mythology, I am obsessed and I want to learn a lot about every countries mythos.
4. Learn about Wicca – I am interested in the idea of Wicca and Wiccans. If I resonate with it, I want to become a practicing Wiccan, it just seems a lot and I have no one, no coven or anything and again I am lazy so, I don’t think I’d make a great one.
5. Learn astrology – This comes with want to become more spiritual. My friends, especially Fin and Erryn are super into it, and they reignited the passion in me for astrology. They know about retrograde and shit, and I want to know about it and again just learn.
6. A toned body – I want to look in a mirror and not hate what I see.
7. Create healthier habits – Eating wise, mental wise, and just get into habits.
8. Post on this blog, post on both my YouTube channels more, stream on my Twitch, create content for my blogging Instagram which is @katynellamorgan.
9. Learn a language
10. GET MY BLOODY DRIVING LICENCE AND A CAR
11. Start writing more profile pieces – To build up my portfolio and to refine my writing skills.
12. Get into a Journalism ish sort of job.
13. Do courses, learn skills.
14. Learn to be more motivated.
15. Become more confident.
16. Be less boring.
17. Become more ethical  – waste less plastic etc.
18. Maybe start a podcast?

Anyway, I think that’s everything, apart from monetize the blog, but I don’t get enough hits hahaha.

Katy Nella x

My Decade recap

Okay, so a lot has happened to me this decade, so I guess I am going to look back and just reflect on the lessons I have learned.

2010 – The year it started

This year I think I got diagnosed with having Idiopathic Scoliosis, and this means that there were two curves in my spine. The top one was 54 degrees and the bottom curve was 65 degrees. This lead to a lot of x-rays, blood tests and it was awful. I have a fear of needles, a deep-rooted fear, and I had to go through therapy, I know now it as cognitive behavioral therapy (if I remember my A-Levels correct) and this is where they spoke to me about needles, then they would show me pictures then eventually to have the blood drawn out.

It was about 10 weeks of therapy sessions, an hour away from where I lived, just to get one vial of blood. I was that scared and anxious, but I am thankful for the nurse and my mum for having the patience with me. In the end, I got to keep a Justin Bieber annual so I guess that was good.

Scoliosis affected me a lot growing up, I was meant to only have a back brace, but because the angles of the curves were significant they had to operate, so I now have two metal rods down my spine with 36 metal pins going along the rods. I couldn’t get a proper breath, I kept yawning because my brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen, cause my lungs were being crushed by my ribs. I loved doing gymnastics when I was younger, and in PE we always did the crab, and I couldn’t do it and that’s when I knew I wouldn’t be “normal” I guess you could say.

2011

This was the start of GCSE’s. One of the most stressful years of my life. I wanted to do GCSE PE, but couldn’t and that was gutting, so I chose French, bad choice. Anyway, I was good with exams, for the most part, I revised a lot and it was a good year. I can’t really remember much from these years as they were ten years ago hahaha.

2012 – When shit hit the fan

This was the year of my op, my final year 10 exams, my DofE exhibitions, my history trip to America, my mum’s wedding. This year was busy. I had to have my op on the 28th of May, after my American trip and Exhibition, because that’s the last time I could have so I could still go on holiday with my Nanna and Grandad, as I couldn’t fly for 3 months.

I will start with the America trip. We went to New York and Washington DC as we were studying American History for our GCSE. It was a good trip, apart from I fell out with my best friends at the time, Sophie and Catharine, I mean we have fell out a lot over our friendship and I guess that’s one thing I regret, because we aren’t as close now, but they will always be girls <3, anyway we made up and then went home.

We then had our DofE, and that was great I loved it, it was so much fun. I guess I loved it because it would be the last time I could walk like that and spend time with my friends for a while.

I then had my op. This operation was a big one and one of the biggest I have ever had. They had to straighten my spine. I have so many complications since the surgery. My feet are always cold, so I have to wear socks, there is a space on the right-hand side of my back that has no feeling. I feel pressure and it hurts when something slightly touches it, but it’s weird I cant actually feel touch, and slouching, cracking my back, bending it, flexibility that’s all ut of the window.

Apart from the physical aftermath, my mental health took a turn for the worst, and I don’t think it has really changed since this moment. I had to have 6 weeks of school. I didn’t have a social life, I didn’t see my friends, my mum had to everything for me cause I couldn’t use my back. I couldn’t sit up for more than an hour, I couldn’t sit on the toilet by myself. It was degrading being a 14 year old and having to have your mother do everything, and I am so thankful she did. I felt worthless, lonely and I was really out of it.

I then had my holiday with my Nanna and Grandad, and all I can really remember from it is that I had to have my scar covered, or else I would have a tan line all the way down my spine. Anyway the sun had set and we were still in the pool, and I went in, with just my bikini top on, scar on full show, and a mother and her daughter just stared at me. And I knew they were because when I walked away they were just staring at me.

Just a tip, please don’t stare it made me feel really subconscious. It was then my Mum’s wedding, and that was great. I also made prefect for my final year. And then nothing really happened the rest of the year.

2013 – The year of Love and Heartbreak

This year I finished high school, I finished my GCSE’s, after stressing so much, I came out with 3A’s, 5B’s, 4C’s and 1D. I also got my first ever boyfriend, this year. I learned a lot about myself, love and it was a year of learning for me. This is also the year I had my first heartbreak. I don’t really want to go into it, but I learned how to love another, but also love yourself and I would continue this for the next 3 years, just learning about the world, experiencing the world and that experience has shaped me into the woman I am today.

This year I also went to college. I only had a few friends, in fact, I only had about 5. I would often spend my lunch breaks eating by myself, or studying in the library. I enjoyed this time alone, cause it felt liberating to just sit and enjoy time with myself, I got to enjoy my own company. Plus there was no one to judge my disgusting eating habits.

2014

Nothing really happened this year really, apart from me completing my AS Levels, a few college parties and that’s it. And maybe that I went into a serious mental block, ended up ditching college and I failed my A-Levels and I couldn’t get into Exeter. I felt that if I didn’t get into a Russel Group uni like my friends did that I was stupid, and I guess I just wished I realised that it didn’t matter, I just wanted to be smart like them you know? I also ended up going to therapy for my anger issues and low mood. I have also had an anger problem my whole life, I have always been impulsively smashing shit, saying horrible stuff and it needed to change. This is the year I actually started my blog, one day when I missed college, so every cloud.

2015 – The year it changed.

I left college, not getting into the uni I wanted, so I ended up going to UCLAN doing Journalism through Clearing. If this didn’t happen I wouldn’t have met my best friends. I am so grateful to have them in my life, they are all the most amazing people and I really hope that they stay in my life for a very long time. I also have met my soulmate. The man I want to marry, that has stayed with me through my really crazy moments and I am glad.

2016-2019

I am just going to merge these years together. My uni years, some of the best years of my life to date. I have cried, laughed, puked, screamed, even pissed myself a few times drunk, but I would not have changed it for the world. I created great stories. Learned a lot. I spent a lot, in my overdraft 90% of the time. Cried either whilst drunk, sad, in a dramatic meltdown. I have volunteered my hours. I have proven to myself that I can do anything as I got A FIRST CLASS HONOURS DEGREE! I went to my first festival. I have changed my hair from brown to red to ginger to red to short to long to blue to brown too then really short, pixie cut short as I had a meltdown drunk and cut my hair, then donating that hair, to growing it out to what it is now. I have done a lot these past few years and I am so happy for every minute. And in these years my mental health has fluctuated a lot. It stopped me from attending one first-year exam, because I had really bad exam anxiety, it put a strain on my friendships as I would (and still do sometimes) wonder if they were really my friends, I would tell myself I look fat, and I am stupid so I would fail exams, I was and still am my own saboteur, and one day I will write about my ‘health’ but for now let’s just concentrate on this post and these words.

The past ten years have been a weird, wild ride. I feel like I have experienced so much, I have learned and grew. But there is still much to learn and I can’t wait to see where the next 10 years take me. I am in the driver’s seat and I know some crazy shit is gonna happen but I am excited to see where this road takes me.

What has been the highlight of your decade?

Always,

Katy Nella x

Weekly Recap #1

6th March 2020 – 26th March 2020

Oh lord. This week started off with a bang. So the 8th of March was my mothers 48th birthday, and we went to the pub I work at. I ended up having multiple double gins and lemonade, this was a bad idea. I ended up getting very drunk, and since I hadn’t eaten all day since I was working, I got drunk very quickly.

I threw up all over my duvet, the walls, the floor everywhere. And not only that, I blacked out. I woke up to find the shower door was off and I have no idea how drunk me got the shower door of the wheels and basically broke my shower, and not only that there is a sewer smell coming from my shower, so this is just brilliant and fantastic.

This makes me wonder should I stop drinking?

Also my prints from this artist called Lena Galore, arrived this week and I can’t wait to put them up on my walls!

I have wrote a few blog posts on the 10th, I am trying to get everything sorted, and trying to get my schedule done and get into a routine but when you’re a lazy fuck like me and you have no motivation it’s difficult.

After months of procrastinating I have finally set up my strip lights on my desk, and everything looks cute af.

My skin is really bad on my hands at the moment, and I am getting quite self-conscious with it, especially when I am at work and I have to serve plates to the customers and my skin is all dry and chapped. I am currently typing this with gloves on and a lot of emollient one to try and moisturise my skin.

So the Corona Virus has wreacked? havoc and has kind of put my life on hold like so many other people. This virus is ruining lives and it honestly feels like we are in a movie.  I have had plans been canceled, we have to live in quarantine, I am now in the retention scheme so the company I work for can give me 80% of my wage, which is a blessing because so many people have lost their jobs. I am just thankful for the people who are in the NHS, delivery workers, people that work in food retail, they are working round the clock because so many people are in need of their help. My mum is one of the people on the ‘front-line’ so to speak, as she is specialised in respiratory, and Covid-19 is a respiratory virus she will need to be more at the hospital. In her hospital, there are already positive cases being patients and professionals. She is at risk as she has Asthma.

Thank you to the numerous people who are risking their lives for others, we wouldn’t be able to cope without you.

My 2019 recap!

A bit late but better late then never!

There will be a few of these posts in the next few weeks fyi.

So my 2019 was very mad, and there is a lot that is going wrong so I just want to focus on the positives of what happened to me last year and to just reflect on how my life went.

First thing I have to mention is that I graduated with a FIRST CLASS DEGREE. I am super proud of myself for getting to the end of my degree. There were so many ups and downs during the course, so many times I wanted to quit, didn’t feel like I belonged on the course, so many mental breakdowns and times questioning what the fuck am I doing with my life, but it was all worth it. I thought I would be walking away with a 2:2 or even a 2:1, but to get a 1st, really shocked me and it just showed me that I can achieve what I want when  I put my mind to it.

Me in my cap and gown!

I got nominated and shortlisted for a BJTC Award. This organisation is very big in the journalism industry and to be nominated for a piece of work I did at uni and to be shortlisted for the final!? It was a shock, I didn’t know I was put for it, and I never did any of my work for any awards, I just wanted to get them over and done with. The fact that my work and ideas, were award worthy, gives me so much satisfaction that I am on the right path and I can be a journalist.

I know this isn’t big but this year I stayed in a tent at a festival. Seeing this is what I want to do, it was amazing to live a dream of staying at a festival with my best mates having the times of our lives.

I got a part time job at the beginning of the year, and a full time one at the end of the year. This allowed me to get out of my overdraft and save up and buy my computer and set up. I am extremely happy that I got to do it myself. I finally have a computer to game and stream on, that I have wanted for the past four years, so this is finally a dream come true.

I got my own pets. I have two kittens which I pay for. It has given me an extra level of maturity as I have to look after these two creatures apart from myself.

I earned my university’s gold Livesey Award. Which means over my fours years at university I volunteered 90 hours of my time. I had my own radio show for three years, which I planned, hosted and it was fun. From this I became the Head of PR for the student radio for a year. I also did crafts with children in the local museum, as well as make cards for a local charity. I went to a Wild Boar Park to help the rangers clean and feed the animals, I held a ferret, that was fun.

My nanna and grandad took me and my sisters to Barbados. I got body confidence here, I ate food that I wouldn’t normally eat, as I am a picky eater this was difficult but I want to experience different cultures and countries food, so this trip really helped me becoming less picky.  I have always wanted to go and this has just started the travelling bug, I want to experience many cultures and the world, whilst we still have it.

I started streaming! Which is amazing, my Twitch is KatyNellsxoxo if you wanna go follow. It has been a dream of mine for donkeys years.

And finally I just want to honour a man that we lost in December. I would call him my uncle, much like I would call Kelly my aunt. One of my mums best friends, and we would become close with their children. Most of my childhood we hung out, creating plays that would make fun of the parents and they would be drunk and laugh and it would be a great time. So many sleepovers, picnics, trips to the pub, takeaways on Friday. I never thought that my childhood memories of you would now stay memories. It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I now have to say heaven has gained an angel. Rest In Peace and I will never forget you farting on me Uncle Mark, or the love you and Kelly shared.

I am excited for what 2020 will bring, and the experiences that it will offer me.

What was your biggest achievement of 2019?

KatyNells xoxo